Caged by Memories Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Discovery

The many cries of the heart are hidden in smiles and laughter.

It has only been a couple hours since she arrived at the hospital to see her sister. The doctor came to visit about an hour later with news of two gunshot wounds and many facial bruises probably from falling. Aqeela couldn’t pry herself from her sister’s bedside, because the reality of the situation didn’t seem real. She couldn’t believe the outcome of this whole situation. The question of why keeps circling around her head. She keeps looking at photos of her and her sister on her phone. Aazara with her plum hair cut short in a swooping bang look and her hazel-brown eyes shining with laughter and Aqeela’s blonde hair pulled up in a bun as she drapes over her sister’s shoulders but smiling and laughing from a joke one told the other. Smiling through the tears of the good times that they have had together and wonder what is going on with her older sister. She puts her phone away because Aazara isn’t gone. That is all Aqeela can think, “Aazara survived, she is here still. Some miracle.” She feels lost in thought when her phone rings. She blindly pulls it out of her pocket. The scenery a blur around as she answered. It’s Sai, a mutual friend between the two sisters.
“Hey Aqee, I think you should come over here. I have found something that you need to see,” he said. That sparked her out of her fog and spiral of feelings.
“Oh, what is it Sai?” she asks. She stops walking and looks around at her surroundings.
“I’ve found some of Aazara’s writing in the trash. It is titled “My Ending.” I think it is her way of convincing herself of this whole ordeal. Maybe there is more writing around here, I know she enjoyed writing,” he said.
“I’ll be right over. I’m over on 52nd and Scott. Give me about ten minutes to get back to my car and I’ll be over,” she said.
“Okay, don’t be long,” he said and hangs up. Aqeela rushes back to her car. She didn’t realize how far she had gone from the hospital. She just needed some air and time to think without looking at her sister’s condition. She gets into her car and only thinks about getting to Sai’s. That is the main goal. When she arrives, it was sooner than anticipated. She bails out of her car with a side thought of locking the door behind her. She bolts up the apartment stairs and breathlessly pounds on his door. It feels like forever before he answers. The seconds ticking away painfully, the answers in sight that she can almost taste them.
The door finally opens, and she bursts into the room. “Where is it?” she half demands. Then she looks at Sai’s face and apologizes for her impatience and insincerity. He gives her a sad smile and hands it over to her. Aqeela reads it aloud in order to get a sense of the emotion her sister was feeling. She smooths the paper out and begins.

““Who am I?” You may ask. I am just a girl, Who has suffered, struggled and fought. Don’t we all though? I am a workaholic. I work and work and work. To make a living. But, mostly to lock out the darkness. I have fallen in love many times. Been engaged or at least asked four times. In the past ten years of my life. Not sure what these men see. All I see is the bad, broken and hopeless in myself. I hate myself, even if I have achieved so much. It has never been enough for me. I feel I could be so much more. I live in chaos full of fighting. Endless beatings since I was young. Dealing with these suicidal thoughts. Since the age of fifteen. I’ve always desired children. Been told that I would make a great mother. I feel it is all lies now. When the doctors told me, I couldn’t. School is my only comfort. Reading book after book. Diving into my studies. Looking for a purpose to live. I love my family. They mean a lot to me. Though, it has come to the point. Where struggling seems not worth it. So, you ask me, “Who am I?” I am dead inside, crumbling into ash. My time has come to say goodbye. May my love engulf you all.”

The paper slips out of her hand and falls onto the floor. Sai guides her to the couch. This all seems to be a surprise.
“Aqeela, talk to me,” said Sai gently shaking her. She blankly looks towards him.
“I never knew how she was feeling. I knew there was something always lurking under the surface, but she would change the subject or push it off as it was nothing. Did I really even know my sister Sai?” The tears start slowly pouring from her eyes.
“I don’t know if any of us did Aqeela. Aazara was always a mystery. When she came here, every loud noise spooked her. She always looked at her surroundings before leaving the apartment. She wasn’t the carefree girl we knew. Something has changed within her,” he said.
“We need to find the rest of this book, this notebook, whatever she wrote this on. Knowing her there is more. WE need to do this. I can’t deal with not knowing why” Aqeela panicked.
“Shh, okay. Let’s go into her room that I had set up for her. She has been here for the past couple weeks. She just showed up out of the blue and begged me to help her. She only had a bookbag and nothing else,” he said. They got up and went into the room. They start digging around the area where Aazara had a whole bunch of papers when Aqeela discovers a book. The cover was black with golden, crescent moons on the cover. She opens it and found exactly what she was looking for. The gateway into her sister’s life that she never knew existed.